


no, we're not promised tomorrow

by storyop



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, also i miss ksoo . where is that egghead, oof sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 00:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14965673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyop/pseuds/storyop
Summary: some forevers are shorter than others. kyungsoo learns that the hard way.





	no, we're not promised tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> you know that feeling when you sit down to write a 3k ish slice of life fluffy baeksoo fic and you end up with a massive angst-ridden downward spiral in which ksoo dies at the end in a fiery explosion 
> 
> for jonghyun

**ELEVEN.**

 

right before kyungsoo gets in his car, he sends baekhyun a text telling him he’s in the mood for lo mein.  _ craving chinese so i’m gonna pick some up on the way back. hope you didn’t even try to cook.  _

it’s barely two seconds before his phone pings.  _ what, and burn our whole house down? _ smirking, kyungsoo shoves his phone back into his pocket and slides into the driver’s seat of his maserati. it had been a bit of a splurge buy—normally, kyungsoo is a lot more reserved, but a nice car was not something he could have denied himself. it’s worth it, he thinks as he flicks his turn signal on and thinks of the times he’s fucked baekhyun into the backseat. car sex is better if you have a nice car. 

the man behind the counter delays him by at least ten minutes by having a full-blown conversation with him about his work in which he tries to coax details about his ongoing cases out of him despite kyungsoo’s best attempts to change the topic. sometimes he really hates how his face is plastered across newspapers and the occasional billboard; so what if he’s one of the only few lawyers who specializes in magical beings—so what if he’s also the most successful one—he doesn’t want to hold up the line at a chinese restaurant because one of their workers is trying to get him to do something illegal.

baekhyun doesn’t answer when kyungsoo rings the doorbell, so he assumes he’s in the shower. sure enough, there’s a note on the table that reads,  _ freshening up!! don’t eat without me >< and i want your fortune cookie too. as usual. _ underneath it is a small 我爱你. baekhyun is no kyungsoo when it comes to languages, but by this time he’s learned to say  _ i love you _ in almost everything. it would be more sweet if baekhyun’s handwriting wasn’t bordering on unreadable, no matter how many times kyungsoo has tried to train him out of it. 

for a few seconds, kyungsoo debates jumping into the shower with baekhyun, but his stomach rumbles and he rules it out in favor of eating first. sometimes (most times, if he’s being honest) food beats potential shower sex and/or baekhyun coercing him into scrubbing his back. 

“hey baby!” kyungsoo snaps his head up to see baekhyun standing in the doorway of their master bedroom, wearing nothing but a smile and a towel wrapped around his waist. he watches a drop of water slip down baekhyun’s chest, past his nipple and down to his belly button. “i’m glad you’re back early; i missed you.” 

“believe me, i’m glad i got off early too,” kyungsoo says, a smile automatically blooming on his face. seeing baekhyun is like easing himself into a hot bath; no matter how much he might ache, baekhyun’s presence is a balm that always works. “now put on some clothes before we eat.” 

“what’s wrong with eating naked?” baekhyun asks with a crooked grin.

“darling,” kyungsoo says, “put some clothes on. and dry your hair while you’re at it; do you really want to be dripping into your noodles?” 

baekhyun’s mouth pulls into an exaggerated pout, and if kyungsoo wasn’t  _ kyungsoo _ then he’d be running across the hardwood floor and gathering baekhyun into his arms and kissing him a thousand times. “getting real tired of you always being right,” baekhyun grumbles, but he’s clearly fighting back a smile. “give me a minute.” 

shaking his head, kyungsoo begins unpacking the takeout, pulling out the hot noodles and chicken. there are two pairs of chopsticks in the bag as well—and two fortune cookies, both of which he sets on baekhyun’s plate. it’s barely three minutes before baekhyun is bounding towards the table, now wearing a thin white shirt and sporting  _ that _ smile, the one he only gets on his face in the presence of a combination of kyungsoo and food. 

“how was work?” baekhyun leans over to kiss his cheek; it’s one hundred percent slobbery one hundred percent on purpose. “did you have any difficult clients today?”

“all of my clients are difficult,” kyungsoo says, and it’s not a lie at all. “grab some forks, please. i had a merman today—came in those porta-tanks they put on the market a couple months ago—”

“oh yeah,” baekhyun says, snorting. “‘for all your fishportation needs.’ why’d they think that slogan was a good choice? if those weren’t so damn useful they wouldn’t sell.” 

“no kidding,” kyungsoo says. “the thing is that no one knows how to market to magical creatures. yet.” he remembers seeing the ads for the porta-tanks every time he’d turned on the television just a couple months ago—not that he had a lot of time to watch tv—complete with that stupid jingle that by now he’s forgotten the words to. the melody is still stuck in his head, though, and when he’d met his client it had inadvertently risen to the forefront of his memory. “anyway, i can’t tell you the details but he was angry, and rightfully so. more noodles?” 

“yes, please,” baekhyun says, and kyungsoo spoons more onto his plate. there’s a touch of wistfulness in his voice when he asks, “but you helped him, right? it’ll go well for him?” 

kyungsoo reaches over to squeeze his waist sympathetically, doing his best not to get flecks of sauce on baekhyun’s white shirt. the two of them had met in college, both of them taking the pre-law path through undergrad, a surprisingly flexible decision. not anything like preparing for the mcat and med school, with all the required science courses—it makes kyungsoo full-body shudder to think about taking another physics class. becoming lawyers had been both their primary goals, and baekhyun had been arguably more passionate than he. 

and then there was january of baekhyun’s junior year. they’d all just come back from winter break, buzzing with talk of internships and vacations and visits to families. pictures of dogs and younger siblings and christmas trees loaded with lights and presents were swapped. almost everybody was in a good mood, the snow blanketing the ground outside also blanketing most of the worries college students usually had. baekhyun, on the other hand, was on the tail end of what he had described to kyungsoo as one of the worst holiday visits to family he’d had, and on top of that he’d come back to professors assigning a shit load of readings and the realization that there was no going back. so yeah, he’d been stressed, as people usually got in undergrad.

and that was the root of the problem. technically, there was no law barring the inclusion of magical beings to any career paths, but discrimination was common, especially almost a decade ago. baekhyun had done his best to hide his abilities, but they’d bubbled to the surface that day in january. kyungsoo hadn’t been there for it, but apparently baekhyun had a bit of a meltdown in the library and caused about a hundred books to fly off the shelves—and had promptly been kicked out of their college for “causing a disruption in an institution of education.” 

sometimes kyungsoo feels like he’s more pissed about all of it than baekhyun is. it’s not like kyungsoo isn’t magical either—his abilities are just far easier to hide. there’s not much chaos he can cause by intuitively knowing every language used on the planet, unless you count understanding exactly what someone is saying if they’re trying to trash talk you in a language they think you don’t know. but baekhyun isn’t resentful at all; in fact, he’s nothing but endlessly supportive, somewhat living vicariously through all of kyungsoo’s successes. he doesn’t ever complain about the long days and odd hours kyungsoo puts into his work, doesn’t ever complain about their dates getting interrupted by a pressing phone call.

“of course i helped him,” kyungsoo says. “it’s what i’m good at.” it’s the only thing he’s good at.

that seems to make baekhyun happy, and he dives into his food with all the pent-up energy of a magical being who doesn’t have anywhere to proactively put his magic. sure, he can organize the pantry with just a flutter of his eyelashes and take out the trash with just a smile, but there’s only so much housework to do in the one-floor building they own. 

“i wish i could help  _ you _ , darling,” kyungsoo says. “i know you still regret how everything happened years ago—and you shouldn’t, because none of it was your fault and you didn’t deserve being penalized for something outside your control.” he lets out a little sigh despite himself. “it’s unfair how things played out, and i’m glad the stigma around magical beings is lessening, i just… i just wish it could have happened earlier so they wouldn’t have ruined your life over a mistake. and one that could have been easily fixed, at that.”

“i’m perfectly happy being a stay-at-home boyfriend,” baekhyun says gently. “doing chores with a snap of my fingers, buying groceries for us because you have no time to do anything other than make lists of things we’re running low on…” he points his fork at kyungsoo. “come on, baby. running this household is a team effort. you provide money and organization, and i provide everything else.” 

“you’re a fool,” kyungsoo says, terribly fond.

“there is something you can help me with, though,” baekhyun says, words sounding a little garbled.

“name it,” kyungsoo immediately says. he winces internally at how quick he was with the response, knowing full well that baekhyun could probably persuade someone as rational as him to do something stunningly stupid. there’s just something about him.

baekhyun giggles. “so quick to say yes.” he hands kyungsoo a napkin pointedly. “right corner of your mouth. can you teach me to cook?” 

“i don’t think any amount of magic could teach you to cook,” kyungsoo says, swiping at his skin. baekhyun pouts at that, mouth full of noodles and cheeks looking somewhat like a squirrel’s. 

“not even someone as magical as you?” 

“do you ever stop being annoyingly flirtatious?”

“hey, you like my annoying flirtations,” baekhyun says with a wink. “they’re what made you fall in love with me.”

kyungsoo stops his fork halfway to his mouth, lips curling up into a smile. “i  _ do _ love you.” 

he watches in amusement as baekhyun chokes on his mouthful of food. “you can’t just do that!” baekhyun exclaims when he’s done hovering on the doorstep of death. “kyungsoo, seriously. you almost  _ killed  _ me.”

“don’t be dramatic,” kyungsoo replies. “is there supposed to be a set time and place for me to remind you that yeah, i’m terribly in love with you? should i schedule this? 9:30am, oh, looks like it’s time to tell baekhyun i love him!” 

“obviously,” baekhyun says, kicking his foot against kyungsoo’s. “i have to prepare my mind, prepare my heart, prepare my soul—”

“shut up and eat your food.” 

baekhyun eats like he’s racing time itself, shoving more food in his mouth before he’s done with one mouthful. kyungsoo’s always afraid that one of these days he’s going to choke. just as he finishes the thought, his throat closes up and he coughs, patting his chest. baekhyun looks up in alarm.

“are you okay?” he says, dropping his fork and cupping kyungsoo’s face. kyungsoo is rather impressed by his reaction time.

“baekhyun. yes, i’m fine,” kyungsoo says— _ lies _ , gently prying baekhyun’s fingers from his cheeks. “i was so caught up in worrying about you that my food went down the wrong pipe. please slow down when you eat.” he’s gotten too good at this.

baekhyun’s tongue pokes into his cheek as he looks kyungsoo up and down as if he’s checking to make sure there’s only minimal damage. “maybe you should stop worrying about me and worry about yourself instead. clearly you need it more than i do.”

“impossible.” kyungsoo ruffles baekhyun’s hair, soft and still slightly damp. “you know i won’t stop worrying about you until the end, whenever that is.” 

 

 

kyungsoo peels off a post it note stuck on the plastic bag his sandwich is in, smiling as he reads,  _ things i can do: make sandwiches. things i cannot do: make anything else. ti amo, my kyungsoo.  _

“yes, all right,” he says with a soft chuckle. “i’ll teach you to cook.” 

ever since kyungsoo has known him, baekhyun has been nothing but persistent. the first time they’d met had been in undergrad, where baekhyun, a year above kyungsoo, had been sitting in one of the student organization booths trying to get people to sign up and join his acapella group, epsilon chi omikron. despite no desire whatsoever to sing in public, baekhyun had managed to get him to put his name down as interested. 

maybe it was the intensity of baekhyun’s smile, maybe it was the soft laugh he’d let out as their hands had brushed, that had led him to actually show up for exo’s first meeting. or maybe, deep down, kyungsoo had already known where their paths would lead them in the future, twisting and turning until they converged as one. 

his computer pings, alerting him to yet another email he has to respond to. clients can be terribly demanding—especially since there’s a shortage of lawyers specializing in magical law. the constitution for magical creatures itself had been introduced fairly recently, and there’s still a lot of red tape their department has to work through. even on slower days there’s a ton of backlog he has to work through. 

he’s thankful for baekhyun, who takes care of most domestic things; if there’s a problem with their shower water pressure he’ll call in to get it fixed, or mow their lawn when the grass is getting a bit too tall and unruly. it frees up a lot of time for him that he wouldn’t have otherwise. 

he only manages to finish half his sandwich before he has to jump right back into more intensive work. sehun stops by during a much needed five minute break to bring him a cup of coffee. 

“thanks,” kyungsoo says gratefully. “you’ll run this place well when i’m dead and gone, i think. i only wish i could see it.” 

“of course i will.” sehun pats his shoulder. “but, man, you’re like two years older than me, max. just because you dress like an old man doesn’t make you one; quit acting like you’ve got one foot in the grave. it’s unattractive.” 

“there is nothing wrong with how i dress.” 

sehun lifts his coffee cup at him in a salute.

 

 

“what do you want to learn first?” kyungsoo asks, shutting the pantry door with his hip. baekhyun looks up from where he’s petting mongryong, smiling in lieu of an answer. “what?” 

“nothing,” baekhyun says, and kyungsoo is momentarily distracted by the way his eyes sparkle under the light of the chandelier above him. “you just look cute in that apron. so serious. mongryong, stop trying to eat my fingers. they belong only in kyungsoo’s mouth.”

kyungsoo snorts. “you can compliment me after you answer my question. and can you unload the dishwasher please?” 

“and do i get a kiss for all my efforts?” baekhyun asks, puckering his lips. 

“what efforts?” kyungsoo says as the dishes start flying out of the dishwasher and settling neatly into their places in the cabinets. “fine. come here, you big baby.”

baekhyun bounces into his arms, pressing him back against the door of the pantry as he very enthusiastically peppers kisses over kyungsoo’s face, hands resting on kyungsoo’s waist.

“i thought… you wanted… a kiss from  _ me _ ,” kyungsoo says. “stop, that tickles—”

“i do indeed,” baekhyun says, leaning the tiniest bit back and beaming. kyungsoo squints up at him, fighting his urge to laugh. “go ahead. dazzle me. put those big lips of yours to good use.” 

“okay, how’s this,” kyungsoo says, and he pulls baekhyun back in by the neck, kissing the corner of his mouth, soft, before slotting their lips together. baekhyun tastes like starlight and magic, an intoxicating mix of light and heavy that always, always leaves kyungsoo wanting more. he’ll never get tired of this.

“mm,” baekhyun says, tongue darting out to lick at his lower lip, “i’d say average, but on the good side? you might want to try one more time. just so i can be sure, you know.” 

“you,” kyungsoo says, “are my favorite waste of time, you know that?”

“i’m your favorite everything,” baekhyun answers, planting a kiss right on kyungsoo’s nose. “and to answer your question, please teach me how to boil water first.” 

“quit messing around,” kyungsoo says around a laugh.

baekhyun claps his hands together. “i want to bake a cake. do we have everything we need?”

“depends on what kind of cake,” kyungsoo answers, reaching for their canister of sugar. “let me guess. red velvet?” 

“yes yes yes,” baekhyun says. “thank you for indulging me.” 

“of course, darling,” kyungsoo says distractedly. “can you get the butter out of the fridge? and two eggs, please.” 

“wait,” baekhyun says, “wait, soo, how are we gonna make the cake red? do we have food coloring just lying around? do i need to make a trip to the store?”

“no,” kyungsoo says with a laugh. “i still have some left over from when i made your birthday cake this year.” baekhyun’s eyes soften. “quit looking at me like that and do what i said.” 

it doesn’t take long for them to finish assembling the ingredients and slide the cake into the oven. baekhyun has always been a fast learner—although if kyungsoo’s being honest, he’s not quite sure how much baekhyun’s actually been learning. 

“hey,” baekhyun says, draping his arms around kyungsoo’s hips and pinching his stomach softly. “i love you. you know that, right?” 

“i know,” kyungsoo says quietly. baekhyun presses a kiss to the back of kyungsoo’s neck, humming softly. “i’m going to spend the rest of my life with you, i promise.” 

this is the safest kyungsoo has ever felt, baekhyun’s front flush against his back, arms around him—this, or when they’re curled up in bed together, early mornings when kyungsoo has to go to the office but baekhyun can sleep in, when baekhyun is holding on to him like he’s his lifeline, breaths slow and constant in slumber. 

“you better,” baekhyun says. kyungsoo can feel him smile against his neck. “hey, how long until the cake is done?”

 

 

“remember, blue on my pinky nail,” baekhyun says, wriggling his toes against kyungsoo’s hand. “i love when you have off days.”

“because i’ll paint your toenails for you?” kyungsoo says. “stop moving your feet so much.”

“no,” baekhyun says, “that’s just an added perk.” 

“you’re lucky i get near your nasty feet at all,” kyungsoo says, flicking his ankle. “baekhyun. hold still. or i’ll end up smearing ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ all over your toes.” 

“plenty of fish in the sea but you’re the only catch for me,” baekhyun says, voice light, and kyungsoo almost strangles him. “ow, i can  _ feel _ the force of your glare—my face—it’s burning—”

“if you want me to take you seriously then stop saying shit like that,” kyungsoo says, turning his attention back to baekhyun’s left foot. whenever he gets off days, baekhyun makes him paint his nails, because his hands are so steady. kyungsoo is more than happy to oblige; no, it has nothing to do with the fact that baekhyun always returns the favor with plenty of giggly kisses. 

once they’d gone on a date across town to hunt for the weirdest names of nail polish they could find, and had ended up with a sizable pile of bottles labeled with things like ‘existential crisis,’ which had been a dark black flecked with spots of silver. baekhyun had pronounced it a favorite within seconds, and he still hasn’t opened the bottle, keeping it stashed in the corner of their dresser.

baekhyun slides his foot out of kyungsoo’s lap, and the side of his heel knocks against the bottle of nail polish. kyungsoo watches it tip over, as though it’s in slow motion, and then freeze at an awkward angle. 

“oops,” baekhyun says cheerfully, righting it with a blink. “my bad.” the cap floats over and screws itself on. “listen, the movie theater down the street is hiring, and i was thinking of applying.” 

“you better,” kyungsoo says. “you can finally contribute a little instead of mooching off of me.”

baekhyun sticks his tongue out at him. “shut up, big lawyer man. i’ll send in my application tonight.” he pauses, chewing at his bottom lip, and kyungsoo opens his arms immediately. he crawls into kyungsoo’s lap, and kyungsoo kisses him gently on his jaw. “you don’t think i’ll fuck this up too, do you?” 

“no, darling,” kyungsoo murmurs. “i know that day in college is always on your mind, but please remember that wasn’t your fault. and you’ve come so far since then; your reflexes are better and you have so much more control.” baekhyun’s hair is soft to the touch, and he lets out a deep hum in his chest as kyungsoo’s fingers scratch at his scalp. “they’d be stupid not to give you the job… you’re so good with people. you’re so good with me.” 

and baekhyun is, he’s—he’s so good with him. it can be hard to be good with him, because sometimes kyungsoo finds himself living in his own head more than he lives with his feet firmly planted in the ground. because the ground—because life—it’s too unyielding, and kyungsoo doesn’t like that, and sometimes he can’t stand the people and the crowds and the way everyone always wants him to do something for them. 

“well, that’s because we’re meant to be,” baekhyun replies, kissing kyungsoo’s chin. “soulmates.” 

“do you really believe in soulmates?” 

baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him. “come on. you know every language to ever exist—whether people speak it or not—and i can make stuff fly around the room. it’s not hard to believe that soulmates exist in this world.” 

“and you think i’m yours?” kyungsoo asks, voice barely above a whisper. he traces his thumb under baekhyun’s eye. “you think  _ i’m _ your soulmate?”

“yep,” baekhyun says, wriggling in kyungsoo’s arms. “you’re like the sock to my foot. the syrup to my pancakes. the chicken soup to my flu.”

“stop,” kyungsoo groans, the moment broken. baekhyun never lets him doubt their bond for long. “chicken soup to your flu? really?” 

“the corn to my cob,” baekhyun continues, kissing the round of kyungsoo’s cheek. “the eraser to my pencil.” his eyelids. “the dvd to my dvd player.” his forehead.

“how do these keep getting worse,” kyungsoo grumbles.

“i’m coming up with these on the spot, shh,” baekhyun says. “don’t restrict my creative genius.” he opens his arms wide, fingers stretching toward opposite walls. “i love you  _ this _ much.” 

“so what, i don’t get any time to prepare myself?” kyungsoo says. he swears his eyes are not misting over. “go apply, darling. and get me free tickets.”

“of course i’ll get you free tickets,” baekhyun says. “why’d you think i applied for this and not the burger place a block away?” 

“because you like watching free movies just as much as i do?”

“mm, just pretend everything i do is for you.”

 

 

“so.” 

“so,” kyungsoo says, looking up from his work to see sehun raising an eyebrow at him, “how can i help you.”

“if i know you at all—which i definitely do—you’re planning something big for you and baekhyun’s anniversary, and i want in. party planning is the greatest joy in life, as everyone says.” 

“absolutely no one says that,” kyungsoo replies, tapping his pen on the stack of papers in front of him. fucking paperwork; it’ll be the death of him. “but sure. whatever you want. baekhyun will like knowing you had a hand in it.” 

kyungsoo has known sehun for several years now, and the biggest thing he’s learned is that the man is as loyal as he is tall, which is much, much more so than kyungsoo himself. it’s a rarity in their line of work. kyungsoo has known sehun for several years now, has practically brought him up and built him from bottom to top, showing him how to succeed in a career that has no place for that big heart of his. (kyungsoo had to learn it the hard way.) 

“so what are we doing?” sehun asks, leaning over and trying to peek over at kyungsoo’s work.

“how about you ask me when i’m not in the middle of something that’s probably important and i should at least try to focus on?”

“good idea,” sehun says, pointing at kyungsoo. “this is why you’re the boss.” he begins to back away. “don’t work yourself too hard.” 

kyungsoo laughs under his breath—that has to be the funniest thing he’s heard the whole week—but it quickly devolves into a cough, his lungs feeling as though they’re rattling around in his chest, behind his rib cage. “fuck,” he mutters. “maybe i  _ have _ been working too hard.” 

the last thing he wants is a cold setting in. his job gets hampered by illness far too easily, and besides, a short day for him is long overdue. 

he pulls out his phone; it takes chanyeol less than three seconds to pick up. “god, you’re fast.”

“anything for my best friend,” chanyeol says, his voice coming through cheery and loud. kyungsoo feels his throat get tight. “what’s up?” 

“you free?”

“mm-hmm,” chanyeol says. “i’m currently sitting on the couch debating between playing ZOMNOM for another hour or going out for some food.” 

“can you take me home? baekhyun dropped me off this morning but he’s halfway through volunteering at a camp and i want to end my work day early.” 

“i’ll do you one better. how about lunch? it’s been a while since the two of us caught up anyway.”

“i’m okay with that,” kyungsoo says, starting to smile. “as long as you let me pick.” 

“yeah, i was gonna let you pick anyway,” chanyeol says with a small laugh. “you’re at your office, right? i’ll be there in like… ten minutes. see ya, soo.”

“bye, yeol,” kyungsoo says. “thanks so much.”

“like i said, bud. anything for you.”

kyungsoo goes looking for sehun and finds him hunched over his desk, scribbling rapidly, eyebrows drawn together in focus. sehun has an intense face and an even sweeter smile, which kyungsoo is greeted with when he raps on the side of sehun’s computer. 

“hey, you good?” sehun asks, setting his pen down.

“think i’m coming down with a cold,” kyungsoo answers. “i’m gonna head out early. you guys will be fine without me, right?” 

“we’ll crash and burn,” sehun says, solemn, and kyungsoo wrinkles his nose at him. “feel better soon, man. have a good time.” 

he types out a message to baekhyun, letting him know that he’s going out for lunch with chanyeol and going home, as he waits for chanyeol to show up. chanyeol has this odd and deep-rooted hatred of arriving to places late, so he’s there waving his arm and grinning wide at kyungsoo right when he promised to be. 

“hi, kyungsoo!” chanyeol booms, and kyungsoo winces a little at the volume of his voice. “you ready to go? what do you want to eat?” 

“stop yelling,” kyungsoo says. chanyeol just grins, opening his arms big big big, and kyungsoo does not hesitate for a second before diving into his hug. he smells as nice as he is warm—he’s like one giant teddy bear, plush and soft and cuddly. “hi.”

the two of them had grown up together, and kyungsoo is certain he wouldn’t know what real friendship was if chanyeol hadn’t shown him, if they hadn’t shown each other. 

“i missed you,” chanyeol murmurs, patting kyungsoo’s back. “now answer my question. i’m hungry.”

“does pizza sound good?” 

“pizza is always good,” chanyeol says, placing his hand flat on kyungsoo’s back. “nothing like it.”

“that’s a lie and you know it,” kyungsoo says. he’s already feeling giddy with the feeling of being reunited again with his best friend. with kyungsoo’s job and chanyeol’s incessant desire to travel, they don’t get to see each other as often as they would prefer. “you have to be in the mood for pizza.” 

“what the fuck,” chanyeol says. he looks personally offended that kyungsoo would even dare to suggest such a thing. “what the  _ fuck _ , kyungsoo. one is always in the mood for pizza.” 

“if you keep arguing with me,” kyungsoo retorts, “i won’t be anymore.” that’s all it takes for chanyeol to promptly shut up. “there’s a pizza place right around the corner—”

“i know,” chanyeol says, flashing his teeth at him in a smile. “listen, there’s something i want to talk to you about. i actually… haven’t told anyone about it yet, but i trust you, so.” 

“you can tell me anything,” kyungsoo says. he pushes the door to the pizza place open, the cooler air of the building washing over him. “i mean it.” 

he hates the way chanyeol looks at him, with that funny little glint in his eyes—almost as though he’s trying to read him, like he’s an open book with pages stained and creased. he’s been doing that since they’d met as kids and even more so since december, since they’d sat down at that bar and had  _ that _ conversation, the one he’s tried in vain to wipe from his memory. 

kyungsoo glances down at his phone, reading the text he’s just gotten back from baekhyun.  _ be careful soo i’ll be sad if you get sick :< make sure you don’t stress yourself out too much!! 愛してる! _

sometimes he wonders if baekhyun’s even real—he seems a bit too good to be true, for kyungsoo, too bright and too radiant, a star fallen right into his lap. sometimes he wonders if baekhyun is nothing more than a line in a fairy tale, escaped from his fantastical land because it wasn’t enough to hold the amount of magic and brilliance he contains. 

“you have that smile on your face again,” chanyeol says, nudging his hip. “the ‘baekhyun smile.’ it’s one of my favorite smiles of yours.” 

“you’re fucking weird,” kyungsoo mumbles, but all it does it make chanyeol crow, every head in the restaurant turning toward him. chanyeol draws people like light draws moths, but he always keeps them at an arm's distance in case they burn their wings on him. “shut  _ up _ , chanyeol, everyone’s looking at us because you don’t know how not to be overdramatic.” 

chanyeol pinches his cheeks, cooing. people are still staring. “i think it’s adorable how you try to pretend baekhyun doesn’t own every bit of your heart.” they shuffle forward in line, most of the attention now off them. kyungsoo clutches at chanyeol’s arm, trying to pretend as though his words have no effect on him. “i remember when you were too… unwilling to even attempt to date, and now the two of you are married in everything but name.” 

kyungsoo’s tongue darts out to lick at his lips. “yeah. he’s good at doing that, like—like he’s a force of nature. i couldn’t withstand him.” 

this makes chanyeol then the full force of his grin on him, and he says, “i think—”

“i think,” kyungsoo blurts, without even thinking about it, “i think i want to propose to him.” 

the smile slips off chanyeol’s in a heartbeat, and kyungsoo is left staring up at him, eyes wide and heart hammering, as he realizes what he’s just said.

“kyungsoo—” chanyeol begins, eyes softening, but kyungsoo turns away, clenching his jaw. 

“we should order,” he says. “please.” 

it isn’t until kyungsoo is biting into a gooey piece of pizza (extra cheese) that either of them speaks again. “so,” chanyeol says, mouth full, “elephant. room.”

“or we could just talk about your trip to bolivia,” kyungsoo says. “do they really not serve alcohol after four in the morning?”

“no they don’t,” chanyeol says, and his voice is so gentle it makes kyungsoo’s heart ache. “when are you going to tell baekhyun? i mean, if you’re planning to propose—not that your relationship wasn’t serious before; i’m actually surprised you’ve waited this long at all—”

“i don’t want to talk about this,” kyungsoo says flatly. “i don’t… i don’t feel ready to tell him. maybe, i don’t know, yeol, maybe i feel like not telling him will make it not happen, but…” 

“okay—hey, i’m not trying to pressure you into anything, okay? but soo, it’s not fair to him if you don’t tell him about something so huge. at least do it before you get married.” 

kyungsoo leans back in his seat, watching chanyeol through half-lidded eyes. he knows that, more than most, chanyeol wants what’s best for him. he knows that ultimately, chanyeol is right. 

sighing heavily, he shakes his head, saying, “i’ll take what you say into consideration. but that’s all i can give you right now, okay? now tell me what you wanted to tell me.” 

“alright,” chanyeol says, dropping his voice, “there’s really no way to ease into this, so bandaid, right? my powers are disappearing.” 

kyungsoo stares. “what?” 

“i first noticed it in the amazon rainforest, believe it or not,” chanyeol explains. “it was your standard ‘i’m in the middle of a jungle and it’s kinda cold and ridiculously wet so hey why don’t i light a fire’ except i… couldn’t. it was like there was this… this block, between me and my powers, and trying to reach through it was like trying to poke through a brick wall with my pinky finger.” he’s playing with his napkin, tearing it into smaller and smaller pieces, not meeting kyungsoo’s eyes. “i finally got a hang of it and figured it was just because i was bone tired and in desperate need of a nap, but it happened again in paris and then again in guatemala. it only got harder and harder to hold on to the fire—i could feel it slipping through my fingers—and now i can barely summon a flicker of a flame.” 

“i didn’t… i didn’t know that was possible,” kyungsoo says. “i’ve never heard of anyone  _ losing _ their powers. late bloomers, yeah, but losing them?”

“why do you think i’m freaking the fuck out about this?” chanyeol asks, even though he doesn’t look anything but calm. “i haven’t told anyone because no one would know what to do. this shit is undocumented.” 

kyungsoo shrugs. “who knows, this could be happening a lot more often than you think. no one is just willing to talk about it. do you think it could’ve been… i don’t know, something you ate? some kind of illness?” 

“something i ate,” chanyeol says with a snort. “i don’t think so, bud. i’m no doctor but i don’t have any symptoms or whatever that could mean that i’m coming down with something that’s stripping my powers. no, i think this is… natural.” he looks down at his hands, examining them like they’d offer him the answers he wants. “man, i don’t know what the fuck i’m supposed to do without the ability to light a fireplace by myself.” 

“i would hate to wake up one day and find out i could only speak english and korean,” kyungsoo says, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling. the fluorescent lights above are buzzing faintly, and out of the corner of his eye he can make out one of them flickering on, off, on, off. 

“still better than speaking only english,” chanyeol says with a smirk, and the laugh bubbles out of kyungsoo’s throat before he can stop himself—except it’s not a laugh, it’s a cough, and he can feel his whole body shaking with the force of it. “soo? kyungsoo? are you alright?” 

“fuck,” kyungsoo says weakly. “looks like that cold set in after all.” 

 

 

during a class of philosophy of mind and being, interesting enough if you didn’t doze off halfway through and miss a good chunk of the class, baekhyun had sat his ass down next to kyungsoo and asked to borrow a pen because he had a terrible habit of losing them, like one a day, and he’d ran out and kyungsoo looked like a nice guy who’d be willing to help a poor dumb student like himself who should probably take better care of his pens.

“sure,” kyungsoo had said, “on two conditions. one, you give this back to me when you’re done. two, you go on a date with me.” 

there had been a moment of stunned silence after his sentence, and kyungsoo had been left berating himself for blurting that out in a moment of weakness for the pretty boy with his even prettier smile. but baekhyun had laughed, brilliant, and over time kyungsoo had realized that it hadn’t been just one moment of weakness, but an unending one, stretching over years and dates and laughs and kisses and declarations of love. 

if kyungsoo thinks—obsesses—over the fact that baekhyun had called them soulmates, with so much  _ belief _ behind the statement, then so what? he realizes, even though he’d already known in the back of his mind where the big revelations always are, housed haphazardly in cardboard boxes that are peeling and crooked and bursting at the seams—he realizes that he believes in it too. in all his years of  _ not _ knowing, of wallowing in the unknown whether it came to his job or his friendships or being a motherfucking adult, the one thing that has stayed steady, constant, has been his love for baekhyun.

it’s always there, like that little voice in the back of your head reminding you over and over,  _ you’re not good enough you’re not good enough you’ll never be good enough _ , the one that will ruin whatever semblance of self-confidence you’d constructed for yourself if you listen to it long enough, except this one is pleasant, all the time. 

he thinks baekhyun is asleep beside him, tired from volunteering and an interview and grocery shopping, but baekhyun cuddles closer to him, letting out a whisper of a breath, and murmurs, “you’re doing that thing where you think far too hard about something that probably doesn’t matter as much you think it does again. i can tell, you know.”

“i love you,” kyungsoo says, barely audible, and baekhyun hums. kyungsoo can feel mongryong on his other side, warm body flush against kyungsoo’s hip, breaths rising and falling in sleep. the comfort of it steals into kyungsoo’s ribs and makes itself at home there, next to his heart.

“i know you do,” baekhyun says. “i sure hope you weren’t lying there debating your love for me. and what did i say about giving me time to prepare?” 

kyungsoo turns, meeting baekhyun’s eyes in the dark, his face illuminated only by a faint sliver of moonlight falling over the bridge of his nose. he can make out the freckles dotting baekhyun’s face, so barely noticeable that he’s sure he’s one of the only people who know they’re there. 

“it’s our anniversary soon,” he says in lieu of an answer. “i asked you out in phil, can you believe? over a pen. remember our first date?”

“yeah, i remember,” baekhyun says with a chuckle. “i remember that it was an absolute disaster.” 

“really? because i don’t remember it that way.” baekhyun slides his leg between kyungsoo’s thighs, and kyungsoo grins a little, fierce. “you ate that entire cucumber salad without flinching because you wanted me to like you so bad and you threw up on my feet two hours later and, god, i wanted to kiss you right then and there, vomit breath and all.”

“why the fuck would you want to do that?”

“i’m a fool,” kyungsoo says softly, “all for you, darling. you looked so cute with your red cheeks and your constant apologizing and you held on to my hand so tightly i couldn’t be mad at you, even if you were a dumbass who forced himself to eat something he definitely did not like just so he could impress a boy.” 

“to be fair to my idiot past self,” baekhyun says, “you were a very cute boy.” 

kyungsoo closes his eyes. there’s an ache sitting right next to his heart, curling around his rib cage and holding on tight like they’re the bars to a prison cell and rattling them enough times will guarantee an escape. 

“i want to take you somewhere special,” kyungsoo says. “i want to do something special this year.” 

“why?” baekhyun asks. he’s running his hand through kyungsoo’s hair, and kyungsoo can feel himself getting sleepier and sleepier. “it’s our seventh. it’s not, like, a multiple of five or something. important, but not crazy important.”

“every year is crazy important when it’s with you,” kyungsoo says, then groans. “your cheesiness is rubbing off on me. never speak again.” 

“you should know by now to not ask the impossible of me,” baekhyun says. he leans over to press a kiss to kyungsoo’s temple—and kyungsoo can feel it, rising in his throat. the cough bursts out of him, wracking his body, and baekhyun makes a small sound of distress, pulling kyungsoo’s body even closer to his. “baby? are you alright?” 

“i’m fine, i’m fine,” kyungsoo says, waving baekhyun’s concern away. “why do you think i came home early today? i guess it didn’t work because clearly i have a cold after all.” 

baekhyun lays a hand on kyungsoo’s forehead, saying, “well, you’re not burning up or anything. i think we’re out of cold medicine; i’ll run to the store tomorrow to get you some. and i’ll make you chicken noodle soup in the morning.” 

“it’s far more likely that you’ll burn the entire kitchen down,” kyungsoo says.

“no, i’ve been practicing! i found one of your old cookbooks back from when you’d first started cooking, the one with the really simple recipes, and i promise you i will not burn our kitchen down.”

“really?”

“really,” baekhyun says, smile growing. “now let me tell you about how my interview went.”

 

 

baekhyun bounds down the stairs, kyungsoo watching him the entire way down in case he trips. “i’m heading out! i’ll be back around 1:30, okay? come here, baby.” he spreads his arms out wide, wiggling his fingers. “oh,  _ baby _ …” 

“i’m still half asleep and you’re talking too loudly,” kyungsoo grumbles, waddling into baekhyun’s embrace. “bye. i love you.” 

baekhyun grabs at kyungsoo’s face and squishes his cheeks together. “i love you more,” he says, dipping the tiniest bit down for a kiss. “i’m sorry i have to be gone the whole day when you don’t have to work. and i’m glad you enjoyed my soup.”

“it was so much better than i thought it would be,” kyungsoo says truthfully. “i was pleasantly surprised.” 

“glad to know where your expectations of me are,” baekhyun says, and kisses him again. and again. “i really have to go. bye bye.” 

mongryong lets out a long whine, and baekhyun crouches down to give him a long goodbye as well, complete with a kiss and baby talk. it makes kyungsoo smile, makes him fall just a little deeper. 

to his surprise, almost immediately after baekhyun drives away, one of their next door neighbors knocks on the door. in the house beside them live the kims, married young—like fresh out of high school young—and still as in love with each other now as they were over half a decade ago. 

the kim in front of him right now is kim jongin, a man who exemplifies the ‘hot next-door neighbor’ stereotype like no one else kyungsoo has ever met. tall, lean, golden skin, and eyes as soft and warm asa batch of gooey chocolate chip cookies straight out of the oven. 

“do you need help with anything?” kyungsoo asks.

“we… yes,” jongin says, looking nervous. “i’m sorry to barge in like this, but… but junmyeon, he…” shuffling his feet, jongin inhales deeply, avoiding kyungsoo’s questioning gaze. “if you’re free, do you mind coming over for a second?” 

“i don’t mind,” kyungsoo says. “he’s not lying on the living room floor bleeding out, right? because i’m not the right person to ask for about that.” 

“no, it’s worse,” jongin says solemnly, then immediately backtracks. “well, no, not worse than him  _ dying _ or whatever, but i seriously have no clue what to do in this situation. and like, you work with magical beings all the time, and obviously you’re smart, so i came to you.” 

“can you give me an idea of what i’m about to find?”

“yeah, yeah, okay,” jongin says. “so junmyeon—he’s a selkie, right—like, a seal shape-shifter—”

“my first ever case was a selkie,” kyungsoo says pointedly. “i’m aware of what he is.” 

“right,” jongin says, flushing. “sorry about that. anyway, i’ve never heard of anything like this happening before, so i didn’t know who to tell. junmyeon has been… he’s been  _ stuck _ .” 

“what do you mean stuck?” 

jongin pushes the door of his house open, brows furrowed. “like stuck. in his seal form.” 

kyungsoo stops dead in his tracks. “so… almost as though he’s losing his powers?” 

“exactly like that,” jongin says, raising his eyebrows at him. “at first, it just took him longer and longer to shift between forms. we didn’t think much of it then—we just chalked it up to him being tired, or sick, or whatever. but now he can only manipulate water in his seal form, and right now he’s stuck as a seal. and i don’t want my husband to be a seal forever, you know? and before you ask, i don’t think it’s his choice to be a seal, either. he’s always preferred the human form, and for the last couple months the only reason he’d switch was so he could access his powers.” he takes kyungsoo up the stairs, every step purposeful. “ _ have _ you had experience with this, then? you don’t look or sound surprised.” 

“a friend of mine has been going through something similar,” kyungsoo says. “he’s an elemental elf, a fire one, and lately he’s been barely able to light a match.” 

“you think it’s like a disease? like… contagious, or whatever?” jongin asks, pushing the door to one of the bathrooms open. there’s a seal sitting in the full bathtub, and it gives them both a disgruntled look. “hi, sweetheart. are you doing alright?” 

“i hope not,” kyungsoo says. “he wasn’t displaying any outward symptoms that would suggest a disease, but that’s not impossible.” he crouches down next to the bathtub. “honestly, i’m not sure what i can do to help.” 

“yeah,” jongin says with a sigh, running his hands through his hair, “i wasn’t expecting you to have some kind of miraculous solution, either.” he rubs his forehead, then sends kyungsoo a tired smile. “i guess it’s just nice to not be the only other person who knows about this. not that junmyeon is exactly a person anymore.” 

the seal lets out an indignant noise. jongin huffs our a laugh, his eyes crinkling, and kyungsoo has to smile at the obvious fondness in his eyes. 

“do you know what could trigger his change back? any environmental changes, or…?” kyungsoo asks. he dips a finger in the water, finding it freezing. “like making the water warmer?” 

“i think that would just make him cook,” jongin answers. “i don’t really know what goes through junmyeon’s head when he goes through his changes. i never really asked because it had never been that important before. it was just something he did, just like running fast is just something i do.”

“i don’t blame you,” kyungsoo mutters. his own power is simply a part of him like breathing is, but baekhyun’s is something he reaches into himself for, like there’s a bottomless well inside of him brimming with magic. he’s never wondered how he does it, he just… does it. 

“i’m sorry,” jongin says, “for wasting your time.” he squats next to kyungsoo, smiling softly at junmyeon. “i love you, no matter what shape you’re in.” 

kyungsoo wonders if this is the way he looks at baekhyun, eyes overflowing with love, his entire being leaned toward him like a plant reaching for the rays of the sun. before baekhyun, kyungsoo had been a whisper. now he’s a verse that fits neatly into the song of he and him, of kyungsoo and baekhyun.

“this was definitely not a waste of my time. and my friend will be happy to know he’s not the only person experiencing this.” kyungsoo puts a hand on jongin’s shoulder. “i’m going to ask around. i know a lot of magical people, and a lot of regular people who know more magical people. i’ll find out if this has happened to anyone else, and if there’s any way to reverse it, okay?” 

“thank you so much,” jongin whispers. “thank you.”

kyungsoo walks back to his house troubled. not for himself; in the end, whether or not he loses his ability to communicate with anyone at any time doesn’t really matter. but for baekhyun, it would be a terrible loss—it had been the sole reason his biggest life plan had been derailed, and he’d worked hard to find peace with it and master control, and with both gone… 

sehun calls him right as he’s set one foot in the door. “hey. so i’m coming over, and i’m bringing my friend yixing, who is an honest to god party planner, with me. plus a notebook and several pencils with batman print.” 

“what if i’m busy? and you know i don't like bruce wayne. man can suck my dick.”

“you’re not busy,” sehun says. “you forget that i know your schedule, and i also know you, and whenever baekhyun isn’t around you sit around at home and mope until he comes back. so yixing and i are coming, and you can go ahead and pour us some juice before we come. and for you, i'll bring the iron man ones.” 

“fine,” kyungsoo sighs. “your friend yixing, huh?”

“to answer your unasked question, yes, when i say ‘my friend yixing’ i mean one third of the grand orgasmic trio that he, jongdae, and i make up. should i bring a pink notebook or a green one?” 

“pink,” kyungsoo says. “i’ll see you, then.” 

there’s a half-full carton of apple juice in the side of his fridge, and he grabs three glasses to fill. mongryong pads into the kitchen, barks twice, and promptly exits. kyungsoo doesn’t blame him; he wouldn’t want to be around himself either, as dejected and moping as he is. 

_ oh my god _ , he thinks.  _ sehun was right _ . all he wants to do at the current moment is to cuddle in bed with baekhyun and maybe watch a couple of funny movies and laugh until both their stomachs hurt and lean over to kiss baekhyun quiet every now and then because the man does  _ not _ shut up when he watches movies. 

the doorbell rings, and kyungsoo hurries over to open the door for sehun and his party planner fuckbuddy. yixing is a sharp-eyed man with an even sharper smile. sehun likes  _ sharp _ , likes an edge he can cut himself on, kyungsoo has noticed. 

“i have a question,” kyungsoo says. “do you do weddings too?” 

sehun’s eyebrows raise dramatically, but he ignores him in favor of looking at yixing as he says, “i sure do. the rates are higher, of course, but i’ll give you a discount since you’re sehun’s friend and he has mostly nice things to say about you.” 

“i’m perfect,” kyungsoo says. “there shouldn’t be a mostly in there. come in, i poured apple juice.”

“you are perfect,” sehun agrees. “perfect man.” mongryong, who has found himself in the middle of the three men, lets out a bark as if to agree. sehun chuckles and reaches a hand out to pet him.

“thanks so much,” kyungsoo says flatly. “now, there’s something important we have to discuss before we get into whatever it is you guys came here to do.” he hands yixing a glass. “have either of you come into contact with any magical beings having  _ lost _ their magic?” 

yixing pauses with his glass halfway to his lips. “yes. it… it happened to me, actually. i thought it was an isolated incident.” he takes a careful sip, eyes narrowing. “i’m half-elf, and i used to be able to fly. and then a couple weeks ago i fell off a building.” kyungsoo winces, and yixing chuckles dryly at his reaction. “yeah. fortunately, my accelerated healing was still working so my ribs didn’t stay broken for long, but i’ve been… hesitant… to try again. i don’t want to accidentally kill myself.” 

“at least you can cross ‘falling off a building’ off of your bucket list,” sehun says, clapping yixing on the shoulder. “and to answer your question, other than yixing, no—like he said, we thought it was an isolated incident. why do you ask?” 

“because this is my third time coming across something like this happening,” kyungsoo answers. “so it’s not an isolated incident, but neither of the other two people i’ve encountered or anyone close to them have figured out a reason or a cure.” 

“you can’t be serious,” sehun says. “no one knows why this is going on? it’s not like a disease or something?” 

“everyone thinks it’s a disease,” kyungsoo mutters. “also, i don’t know. i don’t have answers. i just want to find out how widespread it is.” 

“i’ll ask around,” yixing says.

“me too.” sehun flips the pink notebook to the first page. “now. time to plan the best anniversary of all time.”

 

 

**TEN.**

 

kyungsoo wraps up the case with the merman with a sigh of relief, even though he still has seven other ongoing cases and at least three more incoming. he can’t even remember what has made him decide to be a lawyer in the first place—just that he’d entered college with a plan and enough passion to make it happen. 

he’s sitting in the busy on the way home when he gets a long series of texts from baekhyun, most of them blabbing about his day. last night he’d tried to stay up until baekhyun was home, but he’d fallen asleep sometime around midnight. and he’d missed a day at work, so he’d had to leave early ass in the morning with just a kiss, quick, to baekhyun’s cheek. 

_ you know when i came home last night you were snoring ^^ i had to take your glasses off your face and wipe the drool from the corner of your chin (you’re welcome) so yesterday this one really old guy came in to buy tickets at box office and…  _ about an essays worth of material later, baekhyun finally finishes with a  _ don’t work too late and hard today or your sick day will have been for nothing. plus i want to see you before my early shift tomorrow. ich liebe dich, my baby.  _

if his heart was a garden, one he admittedly didn’t tend to as often as he should, then baekhyun would be the brightest bloom, sitting smack dab in the center with glittering petals the color of wine. 

when kyungsoo gets home, he makes a batch of popcorn in the maker he and baekhyun had bought that one time they’d gone to a flea market. they’d brought home a bunch of treasures, including three pairs of vintage pants kyungsoo is still obsessed with, and an old piano missing two of its keys that baekhyun had fallen in love with. it’s in the corner of their bedroom, and whenever baekhyun gets the chance to he plays it before he falls asleep. 

“i’m home!” baekhyun yells, barreling through the front door and sliding into their kitchen with his arms spread wide. his socks are printed with puppies, their pink tongues hanging out. he almost slips but manages to catch himself right before. “oo, are you making popcorn?” he sniffs the air, smile blooming bright on his face. “movie?” 

“you wanna take a shower?” kyungsoo asks. the popcorn is halfway done, the smell of it filling the air. “tell me what you want to see, and i’ll set everything up while you’re in there.” 

“mm, i’m feeling up for a marvel marathon,” baekhyun says. “let’s start with iron man and go from there. but come here and let me give you a kiss first.” 

“if i keep teaching you to cook will you teach me how to say no to you?”

“i told you,” baekhyun says. “you should know by now not to ask me to do the impossible.” he gives kyungsoo a kiss—he tastes like mangos—and says, “alright, i’ll see you in a few minutes. love you.” 

baekhyun falls asleep halfway through the movie, so kyungsoo just shuts him off and curls up around him, pulling the blanket over the two of them. baekhyun smells good, like the citrus soap they have, and something a little softer and uniquely  _ baekhyun _ . kyungsoo presses his lips to his temple in a not-quite kiss, feeling him breathe in and out against his body. 

“i love you so much,” kyungsoo murmurs, moving a strand of hair out of baekhyun’s face. it’s a face he knows better than he knows anything else—there’s his ears, a little pointed. there’s his mole, right above his lip, the one kyungsoo kisses every morning before he leaves. there’s baekhyun, all warm and imperfectly perfect and real, all his. 

his stomach starts aching, but he’s too tired and comfortable to move. the last thing he wants is to wake baekhyun, either, so he bears it, taking deep breaths through his nose and inching closer to baekhyun’s body. he knows it won’t be long until the coughs come, but he’s going to hold off as long as he can. this is where he wants to be for the rest of his life. 

 

 

there’s not too many people at their anniversary party—neither baekhyun nor kyungsoo are fond of large crowds—and it’s nowhere near as grand or exciting as sehun and yixing had wanted it to be. both of them are there, standing in the corner with jongdae, who is the sharpest of them three. they all have glasses full of apple juice in their hands; kyungsoo and baekhyun had agreed on no alcohol and he’d run to the store to replenish his supply after a day at the office. 

he’d also made a trip to the nearest jewelry store. the ring is burning a hole through his pocket but there’s a huge part of him holding him back because he—he hasn’t told baekhyun yet. 

baekhyun. he’s sitting on a bar stool drinking a glass of juice with a plastic umbrella in it, a smile on his face as he talks to junmyeon, who has apparently found himself back in human form. if kyungsoo had a dollar for every time he felt his heart skip a beat whenever baekhyun smiled, he’d be sitting on piles and piles of money, enough to buy himself a miracle cure, probably. 

he feels a hand at his elbow and jumps, but it’s only chanyeol, grinning at him with that uniquely chanyeol twinkle in his eye. chanyeol knows. 

“so, little man,” he says, draping an arm around kyungsoo’s waist, “you gonna do the thing tonight? the one we’ve been waiting for you to do for years now?” 

“i… no,” kyungsoo says. “no. i-i can’t.” it’s the first time he’s admitted to himself all night that the doubts have won. he can’t do it.

“because…” chanyeol begins slowly, and then the realization dawns on his face. “kyungsoo, you still haven’t told him, have you?” 

“i haven’t told anyone!” kyungsoo hisses. “i haven’t told anyone except you. how am i supposed to just… how do i just casually mention to people that i only have about a year left to live?” he takes a deep breath, annoyed at how much his voice is shaking. “especially—especially baekhyun?”

“kyungsoo—” 

“i’m in love with him,” kyungsoo says, and this time it’s more than his voice that’s shaking. chanyeol hugs him closer to his body. “and i don’t know what to do, chanyeol.” 

“kyungsoo,” chanyeol says, and his voice is so, so soft kyungsoo can feel himself starting to tear up. “kyungsoo, i think you’re forgetting something very important here. baekhyun loves you just as much as you love him.” he grabs kyungsoo by the arms, staring him right in the eye. “and i don’t think for one second that he would let even something as big as this come between the two of you. so you need to just sit him down and  _ tell _ him, about everything. no lies. not anymore.” 

“you’re smarter than you look,” kyungsoo says weakly, and chanyeol chuckles, letting go of him. 

“yeah, i get that a lot.” he looks down at kyungsoo like he’s trying to memorize him, even though kyungsoo’s on the verge of tears and just had a mental breakdown right in front of him. “fuck, soo, i’m gonna miss you. i know we still have… a bit of time, but…” he swallows, looking away. “you’ve been my best friend for years now. i literally can’t remember a time without you.” 

“wait, wait,” kyungsoo says, holding up a hand. “you’re not allowed to get emotional on me just yet.” when chanyeol gets emotional, he gets  _ emotional _ , and he’s not about to let his blubbering ruin the anniversary bash that yixing (and sehun) worked so hard on. “like you said, we still have plenty of time.” 

“can i just… can i ask you something? and be honest with me.”

kyungsoo closes his eyes. “when am i not honest with you, chanyeol?”

“are you sure you want to get married to baekhyun? or are you just considering that because you think that’s the next step you have to take in your relationship, like… like you have to prove something to him? like you have to prove your love to him?”

sometimes kyungsoo really fucking  _ hates _ how perceptive chanyeol can be, especially when it comes to him. one of the hazards of having grown up together, he guesses. avoiding answering his question, kyungsoo just sips at his drink, but it seems chanyeol doesn’t really want to hear an answer, either. just for kyungsoo to think about it. 

“here,” kyungsoo finally says, pulling the ring out of his pocket and setting it in chanyeol’s palm. “i’m definitely not using this tonight. take care of it for me.”

he goes and finds jongin.

“hey,” kyungsoo says, smiling up at jongin’s tipsy form. “how’d you get junmyeon back?”

“oh,” jongin says. “i have no idea. one second he was sitting in my bathtub in his seal form and the next second he was sitting in my bathtub in his naked human form. hey, kyungsoo, have you ever seen a seal wearing human clothes? it’s the funniest fucking thing…” jongin giggles for a bit too long, and kyungsoo hides a small smile behind his hand. “that’s why whenever junmyeon shifts he has to take off all his clothes. and when he changes back, he’s still naked! it would be awkward, except junmyeon never has any issue with it, mostly because he’s got, like, the perfect body, kyungsoo—and a  _ big  _ dick on top of that—”

“okay,” kyungsoo interrupts. “i get it, jongin. so it just happened? no triggers?”

“nope,” jongin says solemnly. “and he said… he said he’s not going to try to shift again because he’d rather not be able to access his powers than leave me to be a human alone.” all of a sudden, jongin tips forward, draping his arms around kyungsoo’s shoulders and burying his face in his neck. “he loves me so much, kyungsoo,” he says in a choked voice. “and i love him even more. i can’t believe i got this lucky…” 

“you’re right,” kyungsoo says, patting jongin’s back and grinning. “he does love you very much. don’t cry, please.” 

“is he bothering you?” kyungsoo looks up to see junmyeon and baekhyun approaching them. baekhyun meets his eyes and smiles, looking incredibly amused. “he gets a little mopey when he’s drunk. he does it a lot without the alcohol, too, but.” kyungsoo lets junmyeon take jongin from him, even though he’s soon replaced by a clingy baekhyun. “thanks for coming and trying to help that day.”

junmyeon is a very pleasant guy. he has a sweet face and a sweet smile and sweet, plump cheeks. and he’s unfailingly polite. kyungsoo is kind of scared of him. kind of. he sees him far less than he sees jongin, since junmyeon works in the emergency room and has even odder hours than kyungsoo. they always seem to miss each other.

“ah, it was no problem at all,” kyungsoo says. “i’m glad you’re back, and i hope you stay this way.”

“yes, well. i’m sure jongin has already told you this but i don’t plan on being a seal again any time soon—at least not until we figure out the cause of this and hopefully find some kind of cure. if that means i have to give up my control over water, then so be it.” junmyeon hesitates. “you told jongin you had a friend that was going through the same thing? if they’re here, do you think they would be okay if i spoke to them?” 

“more than one, actually, and i’m positive they’d both be happy to.” kyungsoo points out chanyeol and yixing, explaining that one was full elemental elf and the other half, that one could once breathe fire and the other could once fly. junmyeon’s eyebrows go up and up and up as kyungsoo speaks. 

baekhyun’s eyes are glinting underneath the soft light when kyungsoo looks at him, the two of them finally alone. “hi.”

“hey,” kyungsoo says softly, and baekhyun holds his hand out for him to take. kyungsoo presses a kiss to his knuckles, feather soft. “i love you.”

“i know,” baekhyun says. he pulls kyungsoo in by the waist. “happy seven years. do you want to dance?” 

 

 

the real anniversary surprise is the trip to the florida keys that kyungsoo had planned for the two of them. there wasn’t all too much to actively do there apart from touring art galleries and gorging your face with food, but he knows that the both of them would much rather spend the majority of their days holed up in their hotel room cuddling and watching the food network instead of trying to do anything requiring too much energy. 

they take a walk as the sun goes down, holding hands and weaving through fellow tourists. a man stumbles by them, clearly wasted, almost elbowing baekhyun in the stomach. it only makes baekhyun laugh. there’s the scent of freshly cooked tortillas and chilies hanging in the air, and sure enough, they pass a bustling mexican place. it’s packed full, outside and inside, waiters weaving between tables balancing trays of food and drink in their hands. 

“it smells so fucking good,” baekhyun murmurs, swinging their joined hands. 

“do you want to eat?” 

“nah,” baekhyun says, smiling down at him. baekhyun’s only like two inches taller than him and kyungsoo usually doesn’t like to feel small, but there’s something about baekhyun that always makes him feel so warm and protected and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love it more than almost anything. “i was thinking we would just order room service in bed, if you’re okay with that.” 

“of course i’m okay with that, darling,” kyungsoo says. he squeezes baekhyun’s hand, unable to fight a smile. 

“because everything is okay as long as it’s with me?”

kyungsoo is silent. baekhyun guffaws, pulling him to the side so he can tilt his face up for a quick kiss. they’re surrounded by people and there are crushed cigarettes underneath his feet and it’s just a little too warm but kyungsoo feels his heart quicken with how magical it all is. it feels like time is suspended, like as long as they’re here they don’t have to worry about—or well,  _ he _ doesn’t have to worry about how his life is slipping out of his fingers, fast.

“hey,” baekhyun says, pulling back slightly, “you alright?”

“i’m better than just alright,” kyungsoo says—lies, again. baekhyun reads him far too easily, notices any slight change in his mood far too easily. he kisses baekhyun again, a little harder like it’ll be enough to convince him that everything’s okay. (it won’t. he knows this.) baekhyun’s lips are a little sticky with balm and he tastes like coconuts and kyungsoo is so desperately in love with him. 

“you can’t kiss it better,” baekhyun says softly, touching the tips of his fingers to kyungsoo’s lips. kyungsoo kisses them too, knowing baekhyun is right. “are we going to talk about whatever’s been bothering you when we get back to the hotel?” 

say yes, he tells himself. he knows it’s not a conversation they could’ve avoided having forever. it would have been the worst thing in the world if kyungsoo had just up and  _ died _ on baekhyun out of nowhere. 

“yes, we can,” he murmurs, feeling the ghost of baekhyun’s thumb on the corner of his mouth. “yes, we can.”

 

 

the night air is cool on his face. he closes his eyes and tips his head back, half-listening to baekhyun ordering room service from where he’s sitting on his bed. they’d managed to catch the sunset before they’d returned, and it had been stunning, the golden hue spreading over the water as the sun dipped into the ocean. 

“hi.” kyungsoo turns to see baekhyun, leaning against the door to the balcony in a bathrobe, big and white and fluffy. his smile is tentative, his steps even more so, until kyungsoo opens his arms and he falls right into them. 

“hi,” he mumbles against baekhyun’s jaw. “hi.”

“please tell me what’s wrong,” baekhyun whispers, hand flat against kyungsoo’s cheek. “please. it hurts to see you like this, to know something’s tearing you apart from the inside and not knowing how to help you.” 

kyungsoo steps back. “you can’t help me.” baekhyun looks at him confused, lips a little parted, and kyungsoo finally knows what heartbreak feels like, knows how it feels to have your heart rip into pieces. “i… i’m sorry.” 

“you’re scaring me,” baekhyun says, quiet. “kyungsoo—”

kyungsoo tries to laugh but it gets stuck in his throat. “i was going to propose to you,” he says a little helplessly. “that day, at the anniversary party. but—but then i realized…” he trails off. 

“realized what?” baekhyun grabs his arm. “did you think… do you think that i would say no to you? is that what this is? you’re not second-guessing our relationship, are you? i…” he runs his free hand through his hair. “i don’t understand. i  _ love _ you.” 

god, he doesn’t fucking know how to  _ do _ this. “that’s the problem. that—baekhyun, that’s the problem. you love me.”

baekhyun doesn’t say anything after that, just waits for him to figure out what he wants to say and actually get it out. how the fuck did this happen? how did someone as stupid and selfish and cowardly as he is manage to get someone like baekhyun to fall in love with him? 

“i have a year,” kyungsoo says. 

“a year to do what?”

“to live,” he answers, desperate. 

baekhyun stares at him, face ashen. “w-what?” 

“i… okay, fuck, let me start at the beginning. i went in a few weeks ago for the my annual check-up and while i was there i told them my ribs hurt all funny, and i… i don’t know, i guess i thought they’d tell me i was just being fucking dumb and my body was protesting because i’d been working too hard like you know i end up doing all of the fucking time but then they—they got this  _ look _ on their face, and they said they’d want to run a few tests.” kyungsoo rubs his hand over his face. “i got so scared, but i figured, what the fuck, go ahead, there’s no way it’s  _ that _ bad. i can’t believe i was that stupid.” 

he can’t even look in baekhyun’s direction at this point. hands trembling, he continues, “they told me to come back within a week, and when i did, the way they looked at me—the pity in their eyes—” he barks out a short, humorless laugh. “i knew right then and there i was  _ fucked _ . and guess what! i fucking was!” he needs to sit down, but he doesn’t, only grips the balcony railing tighter. 

“they told me it was something to do with my magic, something that only affected magical beings and was so rare they didn’t even have a proper name for it—they just called it enigma—and they weren’t even close to finding a cure a-and that they were sorry but i only had…” 

“a year.” baekhyun’s voice is barely above a whisper. kyungsoo still can’t look at him.

“yeah,” he says. “yeah, a year. to live. less than a year now, actually.” he drops his head in his hands. “what the fuck.” 

“kyungsoo—”

“no, i—baekhyun, i am  _ so _ sorry,” kyungsoo says. “i shouldn’t have kept this from you; i just didn’t know how to tell you—how do you… how do you tell someone you love you’re about to  _ die _ —and you completely have the right to be pissed at me, a-and hell, if you never want to see me again, i understand—”

“don’t you dare,” baekhyun interrupts. “do kyungsoo. come here.” 

kyungsoo folds himself into his embrace like a starving man finally getting to eat, letting baekhyun’s warmth and closeness ease his shaking little by little. baekhyun doesn’t say anything for the longest time, but it’s not a bad silence at all; instead, he’s stroking kyungsoo’s hair with his mouth pressed to kyungsoo’s temple. it’s not a kiss, but it’s almost better than one. 

“how  _ do _ you tell someone you love you’re dying?” baekhyun says. “all of this must have been so hard for you, baby. i don’t blame you for any of it, okay?” he lets out a small sigh. “and i think you’re forgetting the most important thing—that i love you too. more than you could ever begin to comprehend. so you’re stupid if you think that even something like this would change anything.”

“but—” 

“no buts,” baekhyun says firmly. “we will get through this. together. and hey, if you have a year left to live, then we’ll make it the best damn year you’ve ever lived. understand?” when kyungsoo doesn’t reply, he shakes him a little. “hey. do you understand?” 

“shit, baekhyun,” kyungsoo says, “did you know i’d give you the whole fucking world if i could?” 

“you don’t have to.” squishing kyungsoo’s cheeks between his palms, baekhyun gives him  _ that _ grin, the one that lets him know something unbelievably cheesy is about to come out of baekhyun’s mouth. “i have the whole world in my hands right here.” 

 

 

**NINE.**

 

kyungsoo works harder than he’s ever worked before, stretches himself thin and tip-toes over the edge of his breaking point. he knows he doesn’t have much time left, knows that the  _ thing _ in his lungs that no one knows anything about is spreading faster and further with every labored breath he takes. he works harder, even as it gets harder for him to work. 

sehun notices, because of course sehun notices, with his sharp eyes and his never-ending desire to help. kyungsoo keeps telling him,  _ you’ll run this place great after i’m gone _ , the way he’s always told him, and eventually kyungsoo can see in his face that he’s understood. 

sure enough, sehun corners him as he’s getting coffee—which he knows isn’t a substitute for lunch, but he’s not in the mood for solid food right now. 

“how long.” it’s not even a question; sehun’s tone is flat as he watches kyungsoo blow gently on his drink. “answer me.”

“nine months,” kyungsoo says. he likes his coffee with enough milk and sugar in it that it stops being even remotely healthy and goes straight to diabetes-causing, but what the fuck, he’s going to die soon anyway. 

sehun nods, slowly. “cancer?”

kyungsoo tries to laugh, but it lodges in his throat and he coughs instead, body shaking. sehun watches him, eyes half-lidded, ready to catch him if he falls, if it’s too much. (it hasn’t been too much. not yet.) “no. not cancer.” he sets his cup down, careful, not wanting to drop it on accident. “maybe if it was cancer i could’ve extended my life. just a bit. chemotherapy and all that.” 

“then what is it?” sehun asks, and kyungsoo knows. he knows he’s scared. 

“they call it enigma, but they don’t actually know what it is,” kyungsoo says. “it’s rare, and there’s no cure for it—not even a way to treat it.” he touches sehun on the shoulder, feather-light. “i’m sorry. i didn’t know how to tell you.” 

“i was thinking about the whole yixing junmyeon chanyeol thing and i remembered a case we had about a month ago,” sehun begins, changing the subject so abruptly kyungsoo is left feeling a little like he’s gotten whiplash. “about that dryad that lived near that chemical plant?” 

“sehun, you’re a little shit,” kyungsoo says, catching on (he’s slow today; it’s like dragging his brain through quicksand), “but jesus fuck, you’re brilliant.” that dryad had sued for improper handling of chemical materials (and won—it wasn’t hard to tell that company didn’t care to dispose of their waste properly, not when the nearest town to them was full of magical beings and not humans), and in between complaining of dizziness and nausea she’d said something about how it had gotten harder for her to reach for her magic. he needs to make some calls.

“yeah, i know,” sehun says, and his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes but he’s trying and that’s more than enough for kyungsoo. 

 

 

it’s a week and a half later that the pain comes alive. before, it had been like a faint buzz in the back of his head, one he could shove to the side. one he could ignore by focusing on something else, on anything else, whether that was his work or his home or his baekhyun. 

now—now it’s like a dragon, sitting at the base of his lungs, spitting licks of fire up his throat. there’s no rhyme or reason to it; one second he’s fine (relatively, relatively) and the next he’s shuddering with the heat of it. he starts popping painkillers like they’re mints, but it can only help so much when it feels like he’s burning alive from the inside, marrow and bone and muscle. 

he quits his job. sehun shows up at his door the next morning with a fucking casserole, and his eyes are rimmed red but both of them pretend not to notice. he still has time, kyungsoo tells him, but it feels empty. 

baekhyun is gone almost all of the time, picking up double shifts at the cinema and coming home tired but determined to do it all again the next day. kyungsoo just wants him to stay, wants him to crawl into bed next to him and  _ stay _ , wants to press fever-hot hands to baekhyun’s back and kiss him dizzy. 

“it’s like it knew,” kyungsoo rasps, “like it knew i hadn’t told you and it was waiting for me to do so and now that i have there’s nothing stopping it.” he grabs baekhyun’s hand, holds it on his chest where his heart beats, still steady. for now. “i can feel it. started from my lungs and spread and spread and now i can feel it nearing my heart.” 

baekhyun doesn’t say anything, and kyungsoo doesn’t say anything about how he’s been crying. 

“do you want to get ice cream?” kyungsoo asks. “i’ve been holed up in this house for too long. let’s go get ice cream. those sundaes, yeah? with the brownie and the fudge sauce on top. i love that stuff.”

it’s another week of mind-numbing pain before chanyeol arrives. kyungsoo is wrapped in about a hundred different blankets, sitting and watching the new live-action cinderella with no interest. by this point, the walls are covered with sticky notes, all of them saying nothing more than  _ i love you _ in everything from korean to tamil to swedish. baekhyun had asked, and kyungsoo had given him this.

“hey,” chanyeol says, smile too big, eyes too bright. “how’re you holding up?”

kyungsoo waves a hand at him. “fine, fine. let’s not talk about me; you’re far more interesting. where are you coming from? argentina? scotland? singapore, maybe?” 

“venice, actually,” chanyeol answers. he sits on the edge of the bed and takes kyungsoo’s hand in his. the entirety of it disappears between his fingers, and kyungsoo feels warm. his best friend. “i rode a gondola. i’m not sure why they’re so hyped, actually. it wasn’t anything  _ too _ special.” 

“must be because you went alone,” kyungsoo replies, grinning. the smile feels unnatural on his face. “it’s supposed to be a romantic kind of thing.”

“and i’m all for romance,” chanyeol says. his fingers tap out a rhythm over kyungsoo’s knuckles. “but i maintain that traveling is better alone. either way, the city was beautiful at night, all lit up. i loved it.” 

kyungsoo can picture it in his mind’s eye, can see the yellow lights glittering over the water, buildings on either side of the canals rising straight and tall. sometimes he wishes that he had traveled more when he had the chance, but there’s always chanyeol, who he lives vicariously through, and so he makes chanyeol tell him everything he did and listens with his eyes closed and his breaths short. 

it’s hours before chanyeol leaves the room. the curtains are drawn but kyungsoo can tell it’s steadily grown darker, the sky shrugging off the sun to pull the moon on its back instead. he can hear baekhyun and chanyeol talking, right outside the door.

“i don’t know how i can see him waste away like this for the next eight months,” baekhyun says to chanyeol, voice low. there’s a horrible silence, because they both know—all three of them know—it won’t be eight months. 

kyungsoo remembers the face of the doctor, remembers how his name tag had read  _ minseok _ , remembers how his eyes had shuttered when they’d met kyungsoo’s. remembers the way his sad mouth had stretched around the words “you have a year, if you’re lucky.” kyungsoo has never been lucky. 

 

 

“the best day of my life,” kyungsoo says, “was the day after i graduated. i had my whole life laid out in front of me, i had direction, and more than that i had you. i remember we spent that day doing nothing more than sitting in bed and making out and talking about the future, because it was right there in our reach, if we stretched our fingertips out just the slightest bit more. ours for the taking.” 

he has to—think, between each of his words now, like each of his sentences is him fitting puzzle pieces into a complete picture. he has to line them up and press them down and make sure they’re in their correct spots. the fire scorching his body burns hotter.

“i remember looking down at you and thinking, you are the person i want to do everything with. there was so much then i didn’t know, and so much now i still don’t know, but i wanted to learn it all with you. for you.” he smiles, feels the burn in his cheeks. “you were right. we  _ are _ soulmates.” 

he had made it clear; no hospitals. what could they have done, besides shoot him up with enough drugs that not only could he not feel the pain, he couldn’t feel anything. no, he was willing to fight through the heat and the pain just so he could spend every second he could with baekhyun and still—still remember his name. 

baekhyun. he presses his fingers, tender, to the underside of kyungsoo’s jaw, to the side of his throat. hums a lullaby in the back of his throat, sticky with unshed tears. “of course i was right. i’m always right.” his fingernails are painted black with specks of silver. 

this, he has learned by now. he’s learned the way baekhyun’s voice shapes itself around his words, sweet and just a little on the loud side, shy when he’s getting to know someone he’s just met, soft in the darkest hours of the night when he’s kissing kyungsoo’s forehead and wishing him a good night. he’s learned the way baekhyun’s right ear is a little pointier than his left, the way his eyes curve when he smiles, how he’s an intoxicating mix of sharp and soft. he’s learned the way baekhyun’s mouth finds his moles like they’re treasures, how soft his lips are when he presses them to kyungsoo’s skin and breathes him in. 

kyungsoo has learned how baekhyun  _ gives _ himself, wholly, unravels himself piece by piece to build others up, piece by piece. how his eyes are always watching, how he’s always looking for something he can do to make someone else smile. how he’s forever willing to make a fool of himself so someone else will feel less of a fool. he has learned all this and more, and he hopes, he hopes, that someday someone again will put in the effort to learn it all as well. 

because baekhyun deserves that, more than anything. he deserves a hand to hold and a heart to cherish and someone to give himself to, someone who will meet him at every point and push him back and remind him, he is enough. he, himself, is enough, more than enough, always. there is nothing more he has to do. 

“mm,” kyungsoo says. every breath is more difficult than the last. the pain bursts in his temples, behind his eyes like fireworks, thrums beneath his bones louder than his heartbeat. “in the dresser. third from the top on the left, beneath your underwear. don’t—don’t open it yet. open it after.” he pulls baekhyun closer. laces his fingers with his. kisses his fingertips one by one.  _ goodbye, i love you, thank you for staying, thank you for caring, thank you for everything _ . “come kiss me, darling.”

 

 

_ i would never. never, in a million years, in a million moments of doubt, never, never, think for even the slightest second that we do not love each other. that you do not love me the way i love you, all-consuming, that you would lay your heart bare for the world to see and i wouldn’t be the biggest part of it like you would be of mine. and i hope as we reach the end you do not falter in your conviction of the same truth, either. _

_ and i hope i was honest with you about all of this. i give you permission to bring me the fuck back to life and lay into me if i wasn’t. you’re still with me but i already miss you, my darling, and i am having trouble right now because there are a thousand things i want to say to you but i don’t know how to say any of them.  _

_ i guess i just want you to know that i’m proud of you. the way you look at life like it’s a game for you to beat, the way you face every challenge head on and don’t stop until you come out of it on the other side with your head held high and your heart flayed but stronger than ever—that’s so fucking admirable. i don’t want you to ever stop doing that.  _

_ (does all of this count as the boss battle in the game of life?)  _

_ and don’t you ever stop smiling, either. every long, hard day was made worth it by the moments i made you laugh, the moments where your face lit up brighter than anything i have ever seen. you light up my heart; sometimes you’re a string of soft fairy lights and sometimes you’re a goddamn supernova. _

_ thank you. for putting up with me. for going grocery shopping when i didn’t have the time to, for mowing the lawn when i didn’t have the energy to, for doing the laundry even when all it took you was a metaphorical snap of your fingers. i hope you understand just how thankful i am not only for these things but for everything, for even the times when you were difficult and argumentative and imperfect because i love it all.  _

_ and i know i’ve told you all of this before but here i am reminding you again because i don’t want you to forget, byun baekhyun, that i love you. i’m in love with you. i don’t know quite how you did it, but you made me fall for you so hard it was bruising, and then you never let me go.  _

_ tell chanyeol he means the world to me. tell him that it’s because he and his big voice and big heart took pity on that poor shy seven year old kid years and years ago that i learned to open up and realize that the world wasn’t out to get me. that it couldn’t get me if i didn’t let it. he is the best friend i could have ever asked for.  _

_ tell him, and jongin and junmyeon and yixing and sehun and jongdae and everyone, that i found out it’s this chemical called X-1297 that they’re putting in the water that’s numbing their ability to reach for their magic. that should make the headlines and cause enough of a ruckus that no one ever tries anything like this again. honestly, fuck humans.  _

_ so i ask that you wipe your tears, my darling. you will do impossible things, even without me, because my love for you will always stay, tucked right next to your heart, if you let it, and it will be the wings that carry you higher. i love you. _

 

 

“i emailed them,” baekhyun says. “you know, the college that forcibly kicked me out? they practically groveled on their knees and now i’m sitting on a full scholarship for the time it’ll take me to finish undergrad.” 

there’s a framed picture of him and kyungsoo and mongryong on the mantel, next to a handmade christmas ornament that baekhyun had made a few years back, accidentally ending up with something too big and heavy to hang on the tree without making it topple over. kyungsoo had taken one look at it and burst into laughter, demanding it be put above the fireplace for guests to appreciate. appreciate what, baekhyun didn’t know—and he still doesn’t. it’s a mess of tinfoil and glitter glue and those jewelry stickers you can get for ninety-nine cents a pack in the crafts aisle at the supermarket. kyungsoo had loved it.

“oh.” chanyeol sits a little stiffly on the couch, like every second he’s spending there is crushing him with the reminder that kyungsoo used to live here. but when baekhyun meets his eyes, he eases a little, gaze softening. “that’s good, baekhyun. kyungsoo would’ve been happy to hear that.” 

baekhyun is fucking miserable. “i know,” he says softly, twisting his fingers together. “i know.” 

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean—”

“no, it’s not—no,” baekhyun stammers. “i’m not doing this for him. i’m doing this for me. he would’ve wanted me to.” 

chanyeol looks at him for the longest moment, but he’s a million miles away. baekhyun doesn’t know how to pull him back. he doesn’t know how to pull himself back. every time he thinks it’s getting better the slightest reminder of kyungsoo causes the force of his grief to plow into him again and knock him over. he’s bruised with it. 

“i,” chanyeol says, words fraught with hesitation, “have something for you.” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out—a ring. “i’m sure kyungsoo told you this, but he was planning to propose to you. not that the two of you weren’t already married in everything but the law.” he drops it into baekhyun’s hand, saying, “keep it. it’s always belonged to you, even if he never got the chance to actually ask you to marry him.” 

“i would’ve said yes,” baekhyun says, voice low.

“he knew that,” chanyeol replies, nodding slightly. “he never believed otherwise.” 

baekhyun presses the ring to his lips. it’s cold against his mouth, and he almost buckles with the weight around his lungs, squeezing tighter and leaving him gasping for breath. it hurts and it hurts and it hurts, and there’s no stopping it or preparing for it, just meeting it head-on. weathering the storm and coming out the other end with his head held high and his heart flayed but stronger than ever. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay so maybe i lied about the fiery explosion bit


End file.
